Revision

I have a whole week to revise my essay.  After going through my essay multiple times I really need to re word my sentences to get rid of a lot of fragments and passive voice.  Also I need to become more specific in my thesis, what are the negative and positive consequences, not just stating it.  Also I need to add a little something more to my thesis whether that is adding a new complexity to my thesis or just adding a few more words to make my thesis a little more bold.  Something that I have to do is be more specific and vere away from becoming too general.  Keeping away from generalizing and staying on the specific examples and tightening my essay is something that i need to do.  Getting rid of the generalizations and adding the specifics.  Also something that I need to do is to delete sentences that are repeating.  Sometimes I write the same idea twice in a row and that is something i need to stay away from.  If I do that, then I will be able to cut down my essay a lot in size.  Length is also something i need to do because i tend to write a lot so i need to tighten my writing.  Also i need to bolden the beginnings and ends of paragraphs to make my point more clear. Lastly, i need to unify my essay through my thesis statement developing throughout my essay.