Revision

I have a whole week to revise my essay.  After going through my essay multiple times I really need to re word my sentences to get rid of a lot of fragments and passive voice.  Also I need to become more specific in my thesis, what are the negative and positive consequences, not just stating it.  Also I need to add a little something more to my thesis whether that is adding a new complexity to my thesis or just adding a few more words to make my thesis a little more bold.  Something that I have to do is be more specific and vere away from becoming too general.  Keeping away from generalizing and staying on the specific examples and tightening my essay is something that i need to do.  Getting rid of the generalizations and adding the specifics.  Also something that I need to do is to delete sentences that are repeating.  Sometimes I write the same idea twice in a row and that is something i need to stay away from.  If I do that, then I will be able to cut down my essay a lot in size.  Length is also something i need to do because i tend to write a lot so i need to tighten my writing.  Also i need to bolden the beginnings and ends of paragraphs to make my point more clear. Lastly, i need to unify my essay through my thesis statement developing throughout my essay.

Outdoor ed

What an expirence!!!!! i cant put or describe in words the emotion that I felt towards the end of outdoor ed. I asked the seniors last year, what happens on outdoor ed and what do we do and let me say it was completely different than i thought.  I was excpecting one thing but I expirenced another.  The boys talk was really assuring for me knowing that we for the most part cleared anything that was lingering in the air. The ropes course was really fun and the leap of faith was my favorite.  It looked easy on the ground but it was really hard and scary when you got to the top.  Also I think we were really unified as a grade when we  completed the task of going over the wall in 31 minutes.  But nothing will ever come close to the closeness and the emotion i felt with the rest of my grade during the last activity.  I really did not want to leave outdoor ed.

Essay 2 paragraphs

In Life, societal pressures exists at all levels and in all time periods throughout the worlds history.  Weather that is the way we evolved, where the only way to survive is to conform to society or if that is how society is run, where fitting in and conforming is the norm.  We see varying degrees of this societal pressure in the 1800's Pride and Prejudice, 1940's History of Love or even in the 21st century with modern society.  In each one of these circumstances, extreme amounts of individuality and conformity occur in which each circumstance leads to positive and negative consequences.  Mrs. Bennet and Charlotte are the extremes of conformity where marriage for wealth and status is the only thing that matters and Elizabeth is the opposite where she wants to marry not for wealth but for happiness, but is isolated.  Bird is an extreme individual as he tries to become a lamed votnik, but is outcasted and Leo is an extreme negative conformer of society as all he does is fear his death. However in each individuality and conformity, the negative consequences can be negated through finding balance between becoming an individual and conforming into society.   Indeed, societal pressure weighs down heavily on some, urging them to succumb to their insecurities and to wilt under adversity; while others defy these societal pressures and ascend these difficulties to shatter their insecurities, while in both cases negative consequences arise which can be negated through finding a balance of individuality and conformity.  Furthermore, finding the balance between individuality and conformity is key to enjoying lifes full spectrum.

 Elizabeth and Bird are both extreme examples of individuals, which create negative and positive consequences that are inevitable because finding a balance does not exist.  In Elizabeth's society, marriage for wealth is the norm and is what the young unmarried women look for, not for true love and happiness.  "Leave me to judge for myself" (Austen 74).  Elizabeth's strength is effectively illustrated through "myself," which was something women in the 1800's didn't have.  Women back then didn't have a voice in society and were effectively controlled by male aspiration. Elizabeth's individuality where she can decide what she wants is a positive aspect of becoming an individual and not conforming to societies standards and norms.  Elizabeth's voice and happiness are herd as she denies Mr. Collins; however, her happiness comes at the expense of her mothers happiness. "Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry" (Austen 77).  Mrs. Bennet is infuriated by Elizabeth's decision to refuse marriage with Mr. Collins, yet this is very ironic as Mrs. Bennet's remorse and anger comes from Elizabeth's joy and happiness.  In this circumstance, where is the middle? Where is the balance?  Elizabeth either refuses or accepts.  If she accepts then she conforms and her mother is extatic, and she is miserable.  Even though ideally everyone should be satisfied, in most circumstances it is impossible to please everyone.  Also, growth as a character in the novel occur with characters who are on extreme ends of the spectrum, either extreme conformist or extreme individual.  Elizabeth's self growth occurs when she realizes that she was wrong when she discerned Wickham.  "Till this moment, I never knew myself" (Austen 141) Elizabeth's epiphany that she viewed Wickham like the innocent one, when the whole time, it was Whickham that spent all the money.  This epiphany allows the reader to see Elizabeth's self growth as a character where she is bold enough and is not afraid to say that she was wrong.  This is due to her individuality which allows her to self evaluate herself.  However this individuality comes at a price, Elizabeth is very isolated from the rest of her peers. "I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men" (Austen 7) Elizabeth's individuality can also lead her to isolation.  She doesn't put her self out there for other guys and is not open to form relationships with a lot of the men in the book.  Her fastidiousness is evident and it is quite uncommon among women, who would fall in love with the next person they would see.  However, this leads to isolation and a lack of recognition by certain men.  However what should Elizabeth do? conform to society and have multiple male counterparts or should she stay an individual and allow herself to grow?  The more she conforms, the less she is able to grow, Charlotte and Whickham.  Where is the balance?  Elizabeth could keep searching for balance, but it will be impossible to achieve.

Ranking Essays

Order in the way i grade


A. Has a good arguable thesis, interesting.  Logical structure with indepth analysis and evidence.  Not just a summary but but indepth sources and anlaysis.  Clear style and word choice.  Flows smoothly and it is easy to understand where the author starts and where the author finishs. A

B. Has an arguable thesis but is a little repetitve.  Has a logical structure with indepth but repetive analysis.  Its the same thing throughout the last two paragraphs.  Quotes often to long but are at times used very effectively.  Has sophistocation and clear for the most part. B+/A-

C. Has a very vaugue and uninteresting thesis.  Very illogical and confusing structure.  Evidence and quotes are vaugue and do not really go indepth.  Very vaugue and lacks sophistacation.  Quotes not fully developed and does not have a strong veiwpoint and indepth argument. B-/B

Essay

In Life, societal pressures exists at all levels and in all time periods throughout the worlds history.  Weather that is the way we evolved, where the only way to survive is to conform to society or if that is how society is run, where fitting in and conforming is the norm.  We see varying degrees of this societal pressure in the 1800's Pride and Prejudice, 1940's History of Love or even in the 21st century with modern society.  In each one of these circumstances, extreme amounts of individuality and conforming occur in which each circumstance leads to positive and negative consequences.  Mrs. Bennet and Charlotte are the extreme of conformity where marriage for wealth and status is the only thing that matters and Elizabeth is the opposite where she wants to marry not for wealth but for happiness, but is isolated.  Bird is an extreme individual as he tries to become a lamed votnik, but is outcasted and Leo is an extreme negative conformer of society as all he does is fear his death. However in each individuality and conformity, the negative consequences can be negated through finding balance between becoming an individual and conforming into society.   Indeed, societal pressure weighs down heavily on some, urging them to succumb to their insecurities and to wilt under adversity; while others defy these societal pressures and ascend these difficulties to shatter their insecurities, while in both cases negative consequences arise which can be negated through finding a balance of individuality and conformity.

Marvell's Coy Mistress

This poem is a type of poem with a high amount of sexual tension.  "Am'rous birds of prey" this is at the end of the poem and is what all the sexual tension leads up to.  Throughout the poem, it starts off with slow and a nostalgic argument.  Then as the poem progresses, the urgency for the man is intesified as he knows that he wants to finish off the deal and have sexual relations with the girl.  He insults her and then puts fear into the womens heart, just the same way Mr. Collins does with Liz.  But all of this is the sexual tension that builds up and builds up to reach the "birds of prey".  This illustrates the rough and angry sex they have with each other as the argument builds up.  This is rough sex and the bird of prey pretty much signifies the man ripping apart the girl metaphorically in the stanza before and the birds of prey also signifies the girl ripping the guys heart when in the  beginning she refuses to have sex with him.  At the end, the man seizes the day and the girl follows.  At the end they both become "birds of prey."

Outside reading

The outside reading book that I am going to do is called the The Greatest Trade Ever by Gregory Zuckerman.  This book from what I have been tolled is about the way John Paulson bet against the market in 2008 as in he predicted that housing markets were going to drop.  It turns out he was right and he ended up making something crazy like 17 billion in one year and 20 billion all together in the total 2 and a half years.  The economy in 2008 is a very fascinating subject for me.  Going into the summer, I had no idea of what happened and what has been going on in the economy, housing prices and jobs and interest rates.  However, I got an internship to work in nyc with my family on hedge funds and real estate investment, so i started to research and research and research for days after days.  I gave up two weeks of my time at home researching mbs and cdo and credit default swaps and all of those interesting stuff that lead to the fall in the economy in 2008.  I started by watching the movie Too Big To Fail, that movie was really eye opening as i was able to get some sort of an idea of what happened in 2008.  I also read wikipedia and reports  from B of A and and Citi and for two weeks did my research and study.  Then i went to nyc for 2 weeks and worked their and that was really an amazing experience going to work everyday.  However i did this all during the summer and now that school started, i don't have the time to look things up and read as much so i wanted to read this book to keep my mind in that economical state.  I also want to try to read the Wall Street Journal once a week if i have time.